Rising Star

Dear God, Today, I have decided to write a letter to you. I feel it is the best way I can express myself since You gave me this gift of writing. I want to talk to you openly about this issue I am about to write. I want to pour out my heart, my hurt and my disappointment. I have grown up in a Christian home. I have grown up in church. Church is where I found belonging and community. From an early age, my parents taught me about salvation, prayer, fasting, giving, fellowship, service to God and the whole nine yards concerning Christianity. I was told that if I follow a certain path that the Church (and the Bible?) taught me, my future would be assured.   That I would end up with anything I prayed and trusted God for. Of course if what I wanted is/was according to His will, I was told. I drew comfort that I have a loving God; a loving Father who is concerned about my life.   My future.  I was told to walk by faith and You would supply all my needs. I was told to believe

My Love, Above all else, You are my best friend, You have always been kind to me, Always keeping me grounded when all I want is to fight, Among the few not afraid of who I am, One willing to share in my times of joy and pain, I refuse pride and anger to take the best of me, I refuse another day to go by with this hanging over my head, Whether it be true or not, whatever happened happened, Forgive my tempest heart, my quick tongue and my boiling anger, Our days on earth are numbered, like a leaf in the wind, we shall soon be blown away, Let not a day go by without you knowing that I tenderly love you, Let it be known to you now and always, I cherish your friendship, I pray tonight that let every good thing you desire come your way, Now and forever I remain your friend,

My Love, Please allow me reach out to you this way since I write better than I speak, I have thought about my life, I have thought about you, I have thought about us, It is a beautiful thing to love and be loved, to have a friend, a confidant you can always turn to, But this love also makes us do stupid things, hurt one another because, sometimes, we are afraid, I am sorry for everything, I am sorry for speaking harshly to you most times, I am sorry for putting you under pressure in whatever way, I am sorry for doubting you, for making you want to prove yourself every time, I am sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, insecurities I thought I had overcome, I am sorry for being afraid to lose you therefore holding tightly to something that should be enjoyed, I guess my childhood insecurities and fears of being inadequate and thereby being rejected still hound me, You have been nothing but good to me, always there for me, patient with