Conspiracy of the Universe

Dear Diary,

I have never felt like this before, in fact, i do not remember ever feeling like this before. It is the worst feeling and i wouldn't want to go through it again. It almost felt like the universe had conspired against me.

You see, Dear Diary,in the last few days, i have lost my convictions, my zest for life and everything that used to make me tick. It feels like i am surrounded by a deep darkness or like i have been thrown in a very dark abyss.

Dear Diary, my house, which has always been my source comfort has rejected me, the job i love has turned its back on me. Some of the friends i treasure seem not to bring any light in this darkness, prayer has ceased to comfort me and church has lost its edge.

Dear Diary, for the past four days i took time off work, friends and the world and i have cried to God, yes, literal crying to God because i could not find words to express the feeling in my heart; a heart-wrenching feeling. It almost felt like my heart was being removed from its cage.

Dear Diary, i am yet to find head or tail of this whole issue. My mind does not seem to think straight. But I have found solace in my Mother and elder sister. For some reason, my mind refused to register the usual names i used to call her like 'Mom' and 'Mommy'. For this one time, i wanted to call her 'Mother' or just 'Mama'; i guess that was expressing my innate need to reach out to a loved one; one who understands me better.

Dear Diary, i shall rise again. My God is my anchor. That is all.




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