In My Weakness, the Lord is My Strength……

In the last couple of weeks, I have taken a beating over who I am. Those who read my blog might remember that I posted an article about ‘Facing My Insecurities’. In the article, I wrote about how God had fought the battle to win my heart and mind over insecurities I had as a child and a young adult. I wrote about how God brought people my way, people I did not know before and whom I have no relation with, to affirm and love me.  I concluded by saying that God had loved me out of my cage through these people.

I have been told, on many occasions, that I am too serious or too strict for the liking of many people. Some say I am unapproachable. Others say I am harsh. Still, others say I am proud. To my closest friends and family, they know I am none of those things- I hope. It is unfortunate how someone can just look at you from afar, without any sort of interaction, and come to the conclusion that you are harsh or proud. I have been told:

‘Loosen up a bit’.

‘Smile more.’

‘Do not be too tight.’

‘Be flexible.’

‘Go out more often.’

‘Try to interact with many other people.’

‘Life is not that serious.’

What these people seem not to know is that we have different personalities. I am an introvert. I am a reserved person. I am quiet. I am an inward person rather than outward. I like quiet places. I like ‘alone’ time. I would rather read or watch a movie than go out partying.  I would rather text message you than talk on phone. I do not talk a lot. I am bad at having conversations. I draw the energy to face the world from within me not from people, places or things. 

All these might seem like negative attributes but I am also strong-spirited. I am resourceful. A loyal friend. A lover. A giver. A strong support system. I love people. I pray for people. I am an encourager. I am empathetic to humanity.  I love family. I give my best in everything I do. I am smart and sharp-yes I am. 

So, the last few weeks have seen me hold back tears and other times actually shed them because of the judgement or misconception I received concerning who I am. I have been told that I need to up my game at being outgoing and ‘smily-smily’ otherwise I will not get married. I have been told to hold back from pursuing further education because men will be afraid of me.  I have been told to go slow on the professional ladder. I have also been told that I had/have my priorities wrong by choosing education over starting a family. In other words, I am being asked to live a ‘less than’ life because some things-read marriage-need to come soon to my life. I am being asked to live a purposeless life because I need to please a man into proposing to me.

These statements hit a very raw cord in me and which brought back my old inhibitions. My personality had come under siege once again. And I found myself floundering. I became self-conscious. I doubted who I am. I doubted my strengths and capabilities. I doubted the fact that I am a solid rock upon whom God has entrusted His purposes.

Then I prayed. I asked my Father what His response was to all these. I asked Him whether I have been living a lie.  My Father told me that He created me, therefore, He knows me better than anyone. He told me that His grace is sufficient. He said where I am weak, He is the strength within me. He said where I lack, He is my provision.

I choose to believe the report from God; my Father. Therefore, to those who think I am weak and need to change some things here and there, I want you to know that the Lord is my strength. He has never lost a battle. He has never been defeated. Certainly, He is not handicapped, blind or deaf. He sees everything. He hears everything. He knows everything. He says He is the Lord of all flesh, is there anything too difficult for Him? 

I will tell you this…..

For who God created me to be, I will not change to fit human expectations. If I do, I will not be an original. I want to be productive as the person God created me to be. I will not strive to please any one at the expense of who I am. I will not live a ‘less than’ life yet God created me to be so much more. I am a woman. An African woman. An ambitious woman. A strong woman. A straight-forward woman. Above all, I am a God-fearing woman who is not ashamed to say that Jesus is Lord over her life. God does not despise those who truly seek Him and those He loves. I know He loves me. 

The road I choose to walk might be long and tiresome but if God is walking with me, even though I may falter and faint many times, I know I shall reach the destination He has set for me.

I know God has and will bring people my way who will celebrate who I am. 

I believe.