Here and There: Reflections of My Life.
I have grown up (and still grow) in a staunch christian home. My parents are the kind of parents who observe the rules of being a christian family. The journey that led us to the knowledge of God and Jesus Christ as the centre of our home started with my immediate younger brother who passed away in 1997. His was a life of pain and struggle but which led us to know God. For this reason, his legacy will still live on because it is his life that made my parents-and our family- to seek God. Until now, I keep on wondering how and what it would be like to have had Bethuel Kimtai with us. Would we have been best of friends? Would have been very close? Would he be calling me 'Big Sister'? Would he be telling me of the girls he had met? His girlfriends? His struggles? This is a life that I can only have in my thoughts.
I am a complete opposite of my elder sister. Sylviah, (I love her so) is so talkative and outgoing. She is a hard rock on the outside but a sweet, soft and loving woman on the inside. Recently, I was telling my parents that they should thank God for having a daughter like Cy. I have never come across a person who gives herself to people at the expense of her comfort. I have never met a gal so full of compassion like her. I do ask myself sometimes whether she ever breaks down. I am particularly grateful to have her as elder my sister. She is a rock I look up to probably because she seems to have all the answers I need when I confide in her. She also knows how to put us, her younger sisters and brothers, back on track. I am, on the other hand, quiet and reserved. I keep to myself mostly. People who do not know me misunderstand me. I have been branded 'proud', 'complicated', 'too serious', 'boring' (because they think I do not laugh easily) etc. Those who know me quite well know that I am some of these things but much more as well.
As a christian girl I have faced struggles in various aspects. At secondary school, I was called a 'holy jo'. I do not know where that word came from or what it means. I had very few friends because my character and christianity could not be associated with the many mischievous activities rampant in secondary schools. It became worse when I was made a 'cop' or a prefect at the school. If I knew what I know now, I would not have bothered about the snide remarks, sometimes hurtful, that came from my school mates. During those days, I would be easily affected by what people did to me or said about me. Those were hard days of growing up but we always wore a brave face even when we were dying inside.
Nothing much changed at the university. In an institution where hundreds of students from different countries and backgrounds met, I, again, had very few friends. I always wondered why it bothered people that I was an introvert yet I felt completely comfortable with myself. I met quite a number of people during my university days who made me look at myself, love myself, affirm myself and aspire to be a better person. My self realization took place at the university.
At present, the best I can describe my life is complex and a puzzle. I ask myself several questions: Where am I heading to? Am I on the right path or I veered off the road at some point? What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? Where are all the hopes I had? Am I making any progress? I feel like I am at a stagnation phase in my life. Quite a number of things in my life seem to be at crossroads. I look back and I wonder whether I made some bad decisions concerning relationships, friends, finances, studies, work etc. It feels like I have come full circle. I ask myself, can I retrace my footsteps? Do I still have a chance?.
Nevertheless, as a christian girl, I know that God has not written me off yet. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow because He holds my future and life is worth a living as long as God is still on the throne.
I am a complete opposite of my elder sister. Sylviah, (I love her so) is so talkative and outgoing. She is a hard rock on the outside but a sweet, soft and loving woman on the inside. Recently, I was telling my parents that they should thank God for having a daughter like Cy. I have never come across a person who gives herself to people at the expense of her comfort. I have never met a gal so full of compassion like her. I do ask myself sometimes whether she ever breaks down. I am particularly grateful to have her as elder my sister. She is a rock I look up to probably because she seems to have all the answers I need when I confide in her. She also knows how to put us, her younger sisters and brothers, back on track. I am, on the other hand, quiet and reserved. I keep to myself mostly. People who do not know me misunderstand me. I have been branded 'proud', 'complicated', 'too serious', 'boring' (because they think I do not laugh easily) etc. Those who know me quite well know that I am some of these things but much more as well.
As a christian girl I have faced struggles in various aspects. At secondary school, I was called a 'holy jo'. I do not know where that word came from or what it means. I had very few friends because my character and christianity could not be associated with the many mischievous activities rampant in secondary schools. It became worse when I was made a 'cop' or a prefect at the school. If I knew what I know now, I would not have bothered about the snide remarks, sometimes hurtful, that came from my school mates. During those days, I would be easily affected by what people did to me or said about me. Those were hard days of growing up but we always wore a brave face even when we were dying inside.
Nothing much changed at the university. In an institution where hundreds of students from different countries and backgrounds met, I, again, had very few friends. I always wondered why it bothered people that I was an introvert yet I felt completely comfortable with myself. I met quite a number of people during my university days who made me look at myself, love myself, affirm myself and aspire to be a better person. My self realization took place at the university.
At present, the best I can describe my life is complex and a puzzle. I ask myself several questions: Where am I heading to? Am I on the right path or I veered off the road at some point? What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? Where are all the hopes I had? Am I making any progress? I feel like I am at a stagnation phase in my life. Quite a number of things in my life seem to be at crossroads. I look back and I wonder whether I made some bad decisions concerning relationships, friends, finances, studies, work etc. It feels like I have come full circle. I ask myself, can I retrace my footsteps? Do I still have a chance?.
Nevertheless, as a christian girl, I know that God has not written me off yet. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow because He holds my future and life is worth a living as long as God is still on the throne.
Comments
Post a Comment