My heart is wrenched……..



As I am writing this post, I feel like David felt in Psalm 13:
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat saying, “We have defeated him”!
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me
I will sing to the Lord
Because he is good to me

My heart is wrenched within me. It is twisted and broken. My eyes are filled with tears. I do not want to be strong any more. Not for myself and not for any one. I cannot take in the pain that I feel any more. My world is crushing down. My faith is wavering. The fabric that has been holding my life seems to be failing.  I ask myself:
Have I lost the way?
Did I do something wrong or is this just a passing phase in life?
I feel like I do not know how to reach God anymore. Is He even listening to me? Why does it feel like He is not? It feels like He has left me for the enemy; to devour me. I feel like I have been living a lie. Even though I might look strong on the outside, I feel broken within. The pieces of life do not seem to fit in anymore.
Nevertheless, what I feel now does not change who God is. Even when He seems dead quiet, I know He is alive. He is watching over me. I will strengthen my soul. I will strengthen my heart. I will lay down my every burden to Him even when I cannot explain them. And I will say like David said in the Psalm 42:5:
Why are you downcast, O my soul
Why so disturbed within me,
Put your hope in God,
For I will yet praise Him,
My God and my Savior

Comments

  1. amosnDecember 15, 2013 at 9:15 PM

    Nice piece... However,I seem not to be in a position to help but good thing is the problem and the solutions are quoted in here with Bible refs...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nashilluh KabindioDecember 15, 2013 at 9:22 PM

    Yep, thanx Joe.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownDecember 17, 2013 at 7:10 AM

    Hey bree! I have always admired your strength and faith in God. Keep on the fight because I always look up on your faith and what God is doing in your life. Though you are down now, God will soon lift you up. Remember that there are many like me who look up on your faith in God. Never give up on God coz he will never let you down.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stories of Sabaot Women: Kathleen Jemima Chepkwemoi

Image
Kathleen Chepkwemoi Please tell us your name and where you come from. My name is Kathleen Jemima Chepkwemoi. I was born in Keringet in Kapenguria, West Pokot, but grew up, in my formative years, in Sukwo Saboti before later on moving to grow up in Nandi. What has been your academic journey? Please walk us through it. I went to Kapchemosin Primary School in Nandi. I later on had a small stint at Saboti Primary School but went back to Kapchemosin Primary School until I completed my primary education. I proceeded to Moi Girls High School in Eldoret and was later enrolled at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology for a Bachelor of Science degree in Statistics. I have a second degree from the same University in Bachelor of Laws and two Masters from the University of Nairobi in Master of Laws and Master of Business Administration (Procurement and Supply Chain). What is your profession and what does it entail? First, I have grown professionally in the corporate world whi
Read more

Stories of Sabaot Women: Pauline Chemtai Nenunge

Image
  Pauline Nenunge Please tell us your name and where you come from. My name is Pauline Chemtai Nenunge. I was born in Kipsigon, Kopsiro. I grew up in Terem, Kapkateny Ward but we later relocated to Machewa in Trans Nzoia County. What has been your academic journey? Please walk us through it. This has, indeed, been a journey. I started my nursery school at Terem Primary School, then, I was moved to Kapkirwok Academy while in Class 1. In search for better education, my Dad, again, moved me to Chemelil Factory Primary School where I stayed with a relative. I tried my luck at Lugulu Boarding Primary School but I was not taken. I had to go back to Kisumu while in Class 6. I, then, joined Cheptikit Academy for Class 7 and 8. After KCPE, I joined Loreto Girls High School, Limuru. It was a Catholic school that brought out the best in students. I did my KCSE and scored a B (Plain). When the time came to join university, my Dad wanted me to pursue a Nursing course at Kenyatta Universit
Read more

Stories of Sabaot Women: Diana Chebet Olinyo

Image
Please tell us your name and where you come from. My maiden name is Diana Chebet Kaptoro Olinyo and name after marriage is Diana Chebet Keter. My ancestral home is Mt. Elgon Constituency, Namorio Sub-location. I am 34 years old. What has been your academic journey? Please walk us through it. I started my early school life in Mombasa, that is, nursery and primary school, then, later joined Kibuk Girls High School in Mt. Elgon for my secondary school education. I later joined Moi Forces Academy – Mombasa where I sat for my KCSE and did well, making me proceed to the University through Government sponsorship. The Joint Admissions Board (JAB) selected me to join Moi University, Faculty of Science, which is the current University of Eldoret where I pursued BSc. Microbiology from August 2009 to April 2013. After my graduation in December 2013, I enrolled for short courses that made me a Lead Auditor for ISO 9001:2015 Quality Management System (QMS) Standard, Lead Auditor for ISO 1518
Read more