My heart is wrenched……..



As I am writing this post, I feel like David felt in Psalm 13:
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat saying, “We have defeated him”!
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me
I will sing to the Lord
Because he is good to me

My heart is wrenched within me. It is twisted and broken. My eyes are filled with tears. I do not want to be strong any more. Not for myself and not for any one. I cannot take in the pain that I feel any more. My world is crushing down. My faith is wavering. The fabric that has been holding my life seems to be failing.  I ask myself:
Have I lost the way?
Did I do something wrong or is this just a passing phase in life?
I feel like I do not know how to reach God anymore. Is He even listening to me? Why does it feel like He is not? It feels like He has left me for the enemy; to devour me. I feel like I have been living a lie. Even though I might look strong on the outside, I feel broken within. The pieces of life do not seem to fit in anymore.
Nevertheless, what I feel now does not change who God is. Even when He seems dead quiet, I know He is alive. He is watching over me. I will strengthen my soul. I will strengthen my heart. I will lay down my every burden to Him even when I cannot explain them. And I will say like David said in the Psalm 42:5:
Why are you downcast, O my soul
Why so disturbed within me,
Put your hope in God,
For I will yet praise Him,
My God and my Savior

Comments

  1. amosnDecember 15, 2013 at 9:15 PM

    Nice piece... However,I seem not to be in a position to help but good thing is the problem and the solutions are quoted in here with Bible refs...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nashilluh KabindioDecember 15, 2013 at 9:22 PM

    Yep, thanx Joe.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownDecember 17, 2013 at 7:10 AM

    Hey bree! I have always admired your strength and faith in God. Keep on the fight because I always look up on your faith and what God is doing in your life. Though you are down now, God will soon lift you up. Remember that there are many like me who look up on your faith in God. Never give up on God coz he will never let you down.

    ReplyDelete

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